Hi..
Never thought that I have to introduce myself as a blogger avatar at thirty six past nine in the evening of a cloudy monotonous day of late June in Kolkata – one of the most happening cities of India. To be very frank I was not very keen to reveal this avatar right now but the astrological set up at my birth time has seldom allowed me to follow the planned path. Almighty has never chosen the ex-post and ex-ante to be the same for a single event for me. Well, I tried to become an expert in Economics and believe me, scrubbed my cerebrum, cerebellum and medulla oblongata to my level best but Nobel did not come. Alas! I had to be satisfied only with a Ph.D. I have always been a super fast express train in decision making. After completing post grad in 1999, I immediately joined a college for teaching, then another, then again another.
Suddenly I decided to settle down to explore my multitalented personality. As usual, God planned differently. I spent my first anniversary in a very romantic way. A small cozy room, almost covered by a six by seven bed, sweet smell all around, nearly ten pillows, colorful pieces of clothes spread on the bed and four beautiful bottles- while this was the ambience, there were two spectators awake for the whole night with all enthusiasm watching us spending our special day. Oh…just to remind you, I was spending my very first anniversary with my cute eighteen days old twin boys.
So another journey started. I was two hundred percent confident to be an all rounder and show the world that nothing could stop me from becoming a human-robo-mom. Before my twins’ first birthday I started managing my two dolls , doing household chores while continuing with college teaching. That gave me so much satisfaction so that I did not even try to think of what’s going inside. Anyway when the babies reached three years, the bell inside my super specialized brain rang again and I was into my higher studies once more; books, tests, assignments, attendance etc., etc. and my M.Phil was complete. But, the bell did not stop ringing; the beautiful ghosts inside my head continued salsa and jazz at full rhythm.
I started Ph.D. How I completed this will need another blog post. One thing I must mention here that my parents , my husband and my cute little twin dolls supported me a lot during this phase. With their good wishes when I got my degree I still had some job opportunities.
Then all of a sudden, a few days later, my brain stopped ringing, my heart stopped feeling, my eyes stopped dreaming and I stopped like a statue at one midnight of my life. I could not sort out what happened but found myself struggling to keep a balance between my psychological and physical well being. An unknown fear which I could not figure out pushed me from psychiatrist to neurologist to cardiologist to various test labs. Battling with disorders, diseases and myself for nearly three months I won the match at a close shave. Much later, I realized that it might have been an outcome of a prolonged undisclosed anxiety from various angles of life, though I am not sure till date.
Anyway, once again tried to start afresh to work on my career but this time the support system did not operate at its full capacity. Only my parents were there whom I could ask help from. They were so tightly bound with other responsibilities and health issues that I could not transfer my duties to them for sharing. I did not find any reliable place to keep my kids safe. I could neither rely on the third graded crèches nor on the untrained, unskilled house helps. And my state does not provide creche at a mother’s work place. I stretched my tolerance level as far as possible but could not find someone to rely upon. Perhaps this was my fault that I could not keep my emotions aside to be more practical. Nobody cared. Later they showed concern about how a doctorate can live this life and that is all what they offered – the verbal demotivating speeches. As a feather to the crown, came to know from near ones that even my degrees are useless! I never revealed for once how many offer letters I got but could not accept. I took a back seat. Somehow forced myself to adjust to the situation.
In the mean time, some routine and some out of syllabus events did take place. My sister passed away from a massive attack while returning from office. My sons were getting ready for their first board exam, my husband left his job and started a business, my father got completely bed ridden one morning due to the deadly Parkinson’s and my mother got fully dependent on oxygen support after Covid. I tried to take care of all emergencies .
I tried my best.
Kept aside emotions, ambitions. Focused on my mundane duties.
Things have improved outside a bit. My sons are in good colleges, their father is in a good office once again. My parents are trying to cope up with their tough to tougher physical ailments as far as possible.
Alongside, for myself, confirmed and got convinced that money talks and it is only money that talks. At last God sent me the right message, for once.
I am starting my own blog.
Shall discuss my plans in the next post.
See you soon.
Cheers!
Very nice blog post.
So nicely penned… Looking forward to future ones👍
thank you dear
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Well written…you summarised your eventful life, pain and joy smoothly. Loved reading.
thank you madam💕
Beautiful. I’m indeed speechless. Loved reading it. Please do keep up with your writings. You pen down amazingly.
thank you Princess
I am always super excited in planning any sort of activity/ program, which actually keeps ME going !! eagerly waiting to read your next plan in the next blog!!
Nevertheless this piece of blog is extremely a good read!! Pls continue dear..
thank you
A poignant reflection on life. Too well written.
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Is it okay if I link this post? It’s valuable advice worth passing on! My crowd will want to read this too.
I’m not on board with this post. Your premises are well made, but nevertheless it’s foolish to count upon whatever other people might do. Please clear up some misconceptions, because I believe you’re a good blogger and I would like to learn more from you!